How many times have you asked your child to do something and the task does not get completed? How many times has this happened to you at work or with your partner?
Would you like to know how to move past this situation?
First, know your bottom line. Do the dishes have to be washed right this moment or will some time in the next hour suffice? Saying, “Wash the dishes” leaves some ambiguity. Saying, “I would like you to wash the dishes before you start your homework” provides a time frame.
Second, make a request based on your bottom line. “I have a request that you wash the dishes before you start your homework.” Think about the last time you asked someone to do something for you. What was your bottom line? Turn that into your request.
Third, ask for an agreement. “I have a request that you wash the dishes before you start your homework. Do we have an agreement?” Be prepared to negotiate.
Fourth, negotiate. You must be clear on your bottom line in order to negotiate. Know in advance if a different time frame would work. Does your child understand what ‘clean’ dishes look like? You may need to show them first how it is to be done. Does washing the dishes include drying and putting them away?
When I make a request I follow it with “Do we have an agreement?” My daughter knows that once she responds she has locked herself into an agreement. I have been using this with her for 2 years (she’s now 10) and she has consistently followed through on our agreements. She also makes requests of me.
I have a request that you practice making requests this next week and email me at denise@parentandfamilylifecoaching.com or phone 503-351-4750 with your results.
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